Getting pregnant with endo: let’s talk about s*x

Let's talk about sex
Let’s talk about sex!

Because of my endometriosis, I know that my chances of getting pregnant the natural way are smaller than average, so I have been researching quite a lot about how we can optimize our sexlife to maximize our chances of having a baby. We want to do everything right, without (if possible) taking all the fun out of it. I am sure that there’s quite a lot of nonsense out there, if you start reading online, but just to be sure… we have tried out most of the things we read about. 🙂 So I wanted to share with you an overview of the different sex-tips I could find. Maybe it can help you as well? (or at least make you smile) 😉

How much sex is enough (or too much)? There seems to be quite some debate about this one. I found some sources which tell you that having sex every other day during the fertile window (or even during your entire cycle) is guaranteeing you the highest chances on getting pregnant. (Your fertile window are the 5 days before ovulation and the day of ovulation itself.) Other research claims the quality of a man’s sperm is the highest after 2-3 days of abstinence. And even other ‘experts’ recommend to have sex every day, saying this gives you the highest chance of getting pregnant…We tried all different scenario’s… and I have to say that I don’t like the feeling of ‘having’ to do it every day and I don’t think this is beneficial either for conceiving, or for our sex life in general. Having the feeling that it HAS to happen, even if you don’t feel like it, can be really annoying and unromantic. I read in an article from AVA Bracelet that the majority of women who are trying to conceive with their partners have the feeling that they sometimes have to convince their partner to have sex… which is not a nice feeling to have… So, even if we are still not sure how much sex is enough, we stick to having sex on a regular base and at least every other day during my most fertile period, but we try to keep it playful and relaxed. A new thing we have tested lately, is to have sex, blindfolded, just for the sake of keeping it exciting.

What is the best position to get pregnant? Again, a question with many different answers, but comparing different research/texts/opinions with each other, it seems that most of them agree on the fact that gravity plays a role in bringing the sperm to the right place. Missionary (man on top of the women) seems to be one of the best positions, because the man is very deep inside the woman and gravity is playing a positive role. Second best position to get pregnant seems to be the Rock n’ Roller – which is also a more exciting variation of the missionary (Missionary can get a bit boring after all…especially if you try to have sex every day during the entire cycle…!). In the Rock n’ Roller, the woman lays on her back with her legs up in the air above her head. The man is on his knees and has his head in between the woman’s legs. He can take the woman’s legs to wide them or can put his hands on other parts of the woman’s body. (use your imagination…) The 3rd best sex position for getting pregnant seems to be ‘doggy style’ with the woman sitting or laying down, not standing up. Also with this position, the depth of penetration seems to be beneficial for the chance of getting pregnant. Moreover, the uterus seems to have the perfect angle to allow the sperm to come in. Maybe not the most romantic baby-making-position, but still, in my opinion, it stays one of the best positions there is.

Legs up in the air after sex? I admit… I tried this one, which is entertaining funny for my husband. But most sources are saying this is not necessary… It doesn’t hurt though… In the same style, some websites recommend to put a cushion underneath your lower back after sex or for the more flexible, go in candle pose or shoulder stand with your legs in the air. This has been the main belief until 2016, when a Mrs Van Rijswijk from the Netherlands proved the opposite… She tested it on a group of 479 women, undergoing insemination (IUI) – half of the women had to lay down afterwards for at least 15 minutes and the other half could get up immediately afterwards. Joukje Van Rijswijk found out that 32% of the women that stayed in bed for 15mins became pregnant, whereas 40% of the women who could get up became pregnant. So it doesn’t seem to be necessary after all to put legs in the air, keep still or put a cushion underneath your back. Sorry hubby – no more leg acrobatics-show for you.

Timing…Timing…Timing… If there is one thing I underestimated about getting pregnant, it is really the timing. I had never really thought about it before we were trying to have a baby and I was a bit surprised to find out that there are actually only 6 days where chances of getting pregnant are probable. (*There are women out there who have more fertile days on which they can get pregnant, but these are actually really exceptional cases of super-fertile women… which obviously, I am not) These 6 days are the five days leading up to ovulation and the 24 hours after ovulation, because a sperm cell can live for up to 5 days in a woman’s body and the egg lives for only 12-24 hours after ovulation. I am not one of those women, who can physically feel ovulation and I am very happy to rely on ovulation tests to know my fertile window. I also recently bought a bracelet, that measures different body signals, such as skin temperature, pulse rate, breathing rate, sleep patterns, which will eventually also predict my ovulation day. But currently it is still too early to know whether it works or not, because it is not completely accurate yet.

Does having an orgasm help to get pregnant? On one topic, most research seems to be aligned: A woman’s orgasm is NOT needed in order to get pregnant… Women get pregnant all the time without having orgasms, (A man’s orgasm is needed, since you need the semen to find it’s way to the woman’s eggs.) Whether or not it can HELP to get pregnant if the woman has an orgasm as well, is pretty unclear. Maybe it is just for fun? 2 researchers have done a test in 2016 in which they measure sperm backflow after an orgasm and they seemed to conclude that having an orgasm did help… but there is still some doubt around this research as it was only tested on a very small group of women and according to critics, it doesn’t really correspond with how the body naturally functions. I will leave it up to you what you tell your husband, but I will tell mine that it can definitely not hurt if the woman has an orgasm too. 🙂

2 Comments Add yours

  1. kimi says:

    All the conflicting advice can make your head spin. Thanks for weeding through some of it for us!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Emmanuelle says:

    Hi there Kimi,
    Yes it does. It’s sometimes really hard to know what you can believe in the end. I always try to find some kind of scientific research. Then it least I know there is some kind of test behind it. Happy Friday to you!


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