Is adoption an option ?

I always thought getting pregnant would be something natural, easy and quick, without big issues and without needing help in any way. I never thought about the possibility of having to try for several years, never thought of alternatives to naturally conceiving, nor did I think of the possibility that I could stay childless forever… a year ago I didn’t know I had endometriosis… so that’s when times have changed.

Now that we are in the middle of exploring artificial alternatives, such as insemination (done 3 cycles, without success) IVF (done 0.5 cycle, waiting to complete the second half), donor eggs (might be an option after a couple of ivf attempts), surrogacy (Not there yet, but maybe one day…), I sometimes wonder if adoption could also be an option. I guess it’s mostly been 2 factors in the wanting-to-have-a-Baby-journey, which are deciding for us, about when to take a next step. One is time. For example, how old we are, is one of the factors that make us decide whether or not to try to have one more insemination attempts before moving on to IVF. The second factor is money. I think certain countries pay you back some of the money needed for IVF. Unfortunately in Switzerland, this is not the case and you pay at least 15’000€ per round of IVF. Somehow I find it a bit disgusting, that only People with money can get this kind of help.

The idea of having your own child is of course more romantic than adopting someone else’s, as it is like the ultimate living symbol of unconditional love between 2 people. But the idea of giving a better life to a child in need can also mean something extremely beautiful. I don’t know any people in my environment who have experience with adoption, yet if I think about the general opinion of adoption, it is often perceived as something negative. I don’t know why…

There is 1… no 2 things I struggle with, though. First of all… when to start an adoption procedure? This is the factor ‘time’ again… I read that these procedures can take very long… (up to 7 years) I don’t want to be 50 by the time we finally are an adoptive family, but on the other hand, we don’t want to give up on naturally trying to get pregnant yet.

Money can of course also play a role in the decision whether or not to for adoption. In Switzerland, the whole procedure can cost you up to 50’000€. Which is a huge amount of Money… and we would definitely have to start saving if we decide to go for it.

For me, there is another moral aspect, which makes me doubt a bit. Imagine that you adopt a child as a baby. You treat him/her as if he/she was your own, give all of your love and do everything possible to raise the child to become a beautiful person. But in some way or another, the kid grows up to be a criminal, a drug addict, or even worse, a bad person… will you still love that kid no matter what? Would you love and accept him/her as if they were your own? Until the answer to that question is ‘YES’, I think I am not fully ready yet to apply for adoption…

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